The necessary switch has flipped. Last night, with Jonah in my lap, I watched videos of him that we took when he was newborn through about 8 months old, and I finally remembered what a wonderful experience it was, watching him grow and explore, and started feeling (albeit belatedly) fortunate that we'll get to live through all of this again soon.
I'm sure someone could have told me this weeks ago, but I've been dwelling so long on the negatives, the challenges, the exhaustion of it all, to the exclusion of any joy about the impending arrival. Maybe it's this very dopey time of year, with so many people walking around half-crazed with excitement and anticipation, but I won't interrogate the source of this feeling - I'll just be grateful that it has arrived.
The baby seems to sense my change of heart, too - the past couple of days it has been not just moving, but wriggling. I can't wait to meet it on the outside and see just what it was up to in there.
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