Five years ago Josh and I got married. Tonight we watched our wedding video, mostly to get Jonah to stop crying after his nap (he is notoriously cranky after naps), and this ton of bricks hit me: Four of our wedding guests are no longer with us - three died of cancer, one was a suicide - and none were "old enough" to die. One baby boy in utero at our wedding had a heart defect, and died a month later, aged three days old. All I ask for - all I pray for - is fewer of these head-on collisions between life and death, joy and sorrow, yin and yang. Let's keep it simple. OK, God?
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Gestational logorrhea: 27 weeks
Best baby news yet: The platelet count has gone up. Attributable to a supplement I've been taking at the midwives' recommendation, CoQ10, which is literally magical since there is no medical substantiation of its powers. But it worked, and this removes an obstacle to my using the birthing center (though many others may come up, such as if my water breaks too soon, or the moon is in the wrong phase, or any number of other things I will learn about at the birthing center class in a couple of weeks). Also, I don't have gestational diabetes, which is great to hear, since I've been eating tons of sweets.
This morning I thought of the Sylvia Plath poem, "Morning Song," and got misty-eyed thinking of having a newborn in the house once again. As I move towards third trimester enormity, it's good to know that not only my body is preparing to birth. I think my mind is finally making the necessary shift, too. I'm feeling less anxious and more anticipatory. How much of this is attributable to an imminent birth in the apartment just below ours, I can't say. But I'm grateful for the positive feelings.
Right now, I'm off to begin the slow assembly of ingredients for our Thanksgiving dinner next week (a friend asked in an email whether I wasn't eligible for a pregnancy pass that would enable me not to cook this year - um, don't think so). I'm praying that I don't dwell too much on the turkey's resemblance in size and shape to a baby. My sister-in-law had this experience with a chicken, once, and has been a vegetarian ever since. I'll just try to focus on the fact that this bird is going to get rather special treatment - tons of fresh herbs, and a porcini mushroom gravy bath.
This morning I thought of the Sylvia Plath poem, "Morning Song," and got misty-eyed thinking of having a newborn in the house once again. As I move towards third trimester enormity, it's good to know that not only my body is preparing to birth. I think my mind is finally making the necessary shift, too. I'm feeling less anxious and more anticipatory. How much of this is attributable to an imminent birth in the apartment just below ours, I can't say. But I'm grateful for the positive feelings.
Right now, I'm off to begin the slow assembly of ingredients for our Thanksgiving dinner next week (a friend asked in an email whether I wasn't eligible for a pregnancy pass that would enable me not to cook this year - um, don't think so). I'm praying that I don't dwell too much on the turkey's resemblance in size and shape to a baby. My sister-in-law had this experience with a chicken, once, and has been a vegetarian ever since. I'll just try to focus on the fact that this bird is going to get rather special treatment - tons of fresh herbs, and a porcini mushroom gravy bath.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Gestational logorrhea: 26 weeks and change
Sorry, fetus, I let a couple of weeks elapse. The weeks are actually collapsing. They flit past and before I know it, it's Thursday, and I'm handed the plastic bag with Jonah's naptime sheet and blanket for laundering for the next week (they party on Fridays, instead of nap).
This week went especially quickly, with a small break in the middle for Veterans' Day. Jonah was off school, so I made a playdate with one of his classmates who's a month older than Jonah. We met up at a bookstore, then moved on to some train tables out on the street in front of a toy store, and ended up having pizza. It was wonderful, and it was the first school playdate I'd managed to arrange since the year started, which makes me a little sad.
Part of the reason for this is a former mom friend, whose son is in the same school as Jonah, and who somewhere in the past half year or so decided to freeze me out (really, this makes me sound a lot more paranoid than I am, doesn't it?). I had so looked forward to having her son be in Jonah's class, and they do play together at school, but she's been completely uninterested in any extracurricular get-togethers. I've stopped trying. Which would be fine, were she not mentioning, every time she sees me, how busy her son is having playdates with other kids from school. WTF, girl? It's like she needs to have a monopoly on the other parents and kids. I have spent way more mental energy on this crap behavior than I ever wanted to.
I'm waiting to hear if my platelet count has increased after my latest bloodwork. At my checkup last week, I met with the "head" midwife, who is a bit of a sacred cow in midwife circles, and who reminded me of a slightly batty grandma (who happens to know a lot about pregnancy and childbirth). If my platelet count falls below a certain number, I will "risk out" of the birthing center that I am hoping to use. She said that if it comes back too low, she will request a manual count (usually the number is derived from a sample count). The notion of someone in a lab manually counting out my platelets is intriguing. And I love that the midwife would go to bat for me like that.
I re-read my birth story from Jonah's birth last night, which made me a little bit anxious and almost, but not quite, reminded me of the amount of pain I'm due for when I deliver the next kid. It's not enough to make me lose sleep at night, or make me consider anesthesia, but still. Ow. I don't have a single glowing photo from after the delivery until the next day. My consolation is that labor went so quickly the first time, it's bound to be just as quick this time. If not faster. The midwife also saw fit to advise me on a route to the hospital, telling me to avoid the FDR drive at all costs. It's still a long drive, though perhaps mid-February traffic won't be as pernicious as almost-Xmas traffic.
All of which is to say, I do begin to believe that a baby is coming. We have found a boy's name we agree on. Now it's time to get all the rest of it done.
This week went especially quickly, with a small break in the middle for Veterans' Day. Jonah was off school, so I made a playdate with one of his classmates who's a month older than Jonah. We met up at a bookstore, then moved on to some train tables out on the street in front of a toy store, and ended up having pizza. It was wonderful, and it was the first school playdate I'd managed to arrange since the year started, which makes me a little sad.
Part of the reason for this is a former mom friend, whose son is in the same school as Jonah, and who somewhere in the past half year or so decided to freeze me out (really, this makes me sound a lot more paranoid than I am, doesn't it?). I had so looked forward to having her son be in Jonah's class, and they do play together at school, but she's been completely uninterested in any extracurricular get-togethers. I've stopped trying. Which would be fine, were she not mentioning, every time she sees me, how busy her son is having playdates with other kids from school. WTF, girl? It's like she needs to have a monopoly on the other parents and kids. I have spent way more mental energy on this crap behavior than I ever wanted to.
I'm waiting to hear if my platelet count has increased after my latest bloodwork. At my checkup last week, I met with the "head" midwife, who is a bit of a sacred cow in midwife circles, and who reminded me of a slightly batty grandma (who happens to know a lot about pregnancy and childbirth). If my platelet count falls below a certain number, I will "risk out" of the birthing center that I am hoping to use. She said that if it comes back too low, she will request a manual count (usually the number is derived from a sample count). The notion of someone in a lab manually counting out my platelets is intriguing. And I love that the midwife would go to bat for me like that.
I re-read my birth story from Jonah's birth last night, which made me a little bit anxious and almost, but not quite, reminded me of the amount of pain I'm due for when I deliver the next kid. It's not enough to make me lose sleep at night, or make me consider anesthesia, but still. Ow. I don't have a single glowing photo from after the delivery until the next day. My consolation is that labor went so quickly the first time, it's bound to be just as quick this time. If not faster. The midwife also saw fit to advise me on a route to the hospital, telling me to avoid the FDR drive at all costs. It's still a long drive, though perhaps mid-February traffic won't be as pernicious as almost-Xmas traffic.
All of which is to say, I do begin to believe that a baby is coming. We have found a boy's name we agree on. Now it's time to get all the rest of it done.
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