Maternal aphasia: Week Three

Illness struck the older brother this week, a virus that would not - and still has not - quit. Each day, I hoped against hope he could go back to school, and each day he didn't seem well enough. Last night he spiked a 104 degree fever, so today I finally took him to the doctor. It is just a virus, but I've never seen one stick to him for this long. Poor little buddy. The other night I made myself cry by imagining it was brought on by his broken heart. It hasn't been easy for him to be home with me all week, resenting how much of my time his baby brother takes up. He has said some very illuminating things in recent days, by way of expressing his feelings about Abe. One that sticks out in my mind is one he said in a whisper, then repeated out loud when I asked: "He can't live here." Why? I asked. "Because he doesn't know how to SLEEP." I'm amazed at his capacity for expression, even when what he expresses isn't exactly on the mark... His teacher called our home phone while we were out at the doctor today, and all the kids left a message saying they missed him and hoped he'd feel better soon. Reason #1003 why I love his school.

Baby Abey is on the receiving end of my overzealous dosages of fenugreek to boost my milk supply. For a couple of days at the beginning of the week, I was taking 12 610 mg capsules per day. I woke up Wednesday morning smelling like an Indian restaurant, and realized finally that Abe's frothy, bright chlorophyll-green poops were caused not by the minuscule amounts of formula I'd used to supplement for a couple of days, but in fact by an excess of that milk-producing herb. I have cut way, way back on the fenugreek, but his poops are still quite green. I'm hoping they switch back to the standard-issue butterscotch soon. He's been way gassy because of it, too. Bad mama. Also, having Jonah home all week has meant zero stimulation of Abe's baby senses, aside from the occasional colloquium while he's digesting. Looking forward to getting back to his "education" next week when we have some Jonah-free hours...

This week, I really wanted my mom here. Even with the horrendous conflicts we always seem to get into when she is here. She told me when I was pregnant that when I had another kid I would want to have her around, and she isn't wrong. It sure would be nice. But then I walk outside and run into people I know & like and feel that this is home. Living near my family, but in the suburbs, would not have the same feeling.