Just wow.

I've really fallen off the blog-wagon, haven't I? Not that there were too many people out there to notice. If you are still there, thank you.

Abe is now 13 months, and not walking yet, but poised to do so, perhaps soon. Yesterday, during music class, he stood for a full 30 seconds and even did some deep knee bends (which for him passes as dancing) before tumbling down. The sitter is with him today, and I was worried he'd start walking while I wasn't here to see it. I don't think he did (or else she's keeping it from me).

Now that he's had the full benefit of Mama for 13 months, I'm ready to stop nursing. (I was going to say hang up my hat, but I don't think a hat will ever hang from this pair again...) Yesterday I challenged myself not to nurse during music class, and it went fine. Except for the long, possibly longing, look from Abe when I diverted him to clap along to the song we were singing. I remembered being in the very same place with Jonah, making the same decision, and it was hard not to cry, and even harder not to just give in.

However, this morning I was reminded why I need to end this. Abe is a delight, but he is no longer a sweet cuddly baby 100% of the time. In fact, he's a kicker, a swatter, a slapper. During the day this is merely annoying. At 6 a.m. it makes me hate him, momentarily.

Now that he's getting the hang of sleeping a whole night (after so many rounds of sleep training, I have lost count), I am aiming to cut back on the nursing. I need to be methodical about it, but I can't seem to get a handle on how many times he is nursing these days. Poor Abe. He gets changed on our bed, his clothes are housed in a bookshelf that I only half-emptied for his benefit. It's as though we weren't really planning on having another kid, and as though we have only reluctantly made room for him.

He is asserting himself through food lately - last night he plowed through an entire turkey burger while I was preoccupied with his more fidgety, finicky older brother. When I go food shopping lately I am shocked at how much more we CONSUME as a family.

Older brother has been delightful lately, perhaps owing to quieter nights from Abe. He sleeps until at least 7 a.m. these days, a great help to him during the long school day. And he's going to take a class at an acrobatics studio in the neighborhood. I can't wait to watch him do a forward roll or a handstand against the wall. He needs to learn how to transcend his body, in a way that I don't think I ever did. Last night before bed he was hopping around naked on his bed while Josh and I watched him, amused. He told us how much he loved us, and how happy he was that we all live in the same house together. Then he said, "I hope you don't fall down in dirty mud." So thoughtful.

My body is in dire need of transcendence these days. This morning I woke up achy all over. I daydream about Feldenkrais classes, but never seem to make time to go to them. I consider exercising, then wind up on the couch in my workout clothes eating a brownie during Abe's nap. The imminence of spring has me itching to do something new. I was planning to join a Brazilian percussion troupe, but missed their first rehearsal when Jonah was sick, and now I can't join until they start a new session. Just a bike ride would do me a lot of good. But it needs to stop being FUCKING COLD in order for me to consider it.

Yeah, this is turning out to be a boring read. Sorry.