AngerMom

Yom Kippur was Saturday. Friday, Jonah was off school, and instead of being ActivityMom and being organized about our day, I decided to go free-form and not plan anything to do with Jonah (other than baking a honey cake to take to my in-laws). I soon realized my error. Jonah stayed in his pajamas until 11, despite several attempts to get him to change. He was confined to his room about 5 different times. And my anger grew and grew. When I found myself dragging him down the hall to go to the bathroom (another point of contention), I realized that his frozen smile was what was getting me so mad. It was fear, his fear of me, fixing that smile in place, and I was getting more and more angry at him in the hopes of making that smile disappear.

In a moment I realized the work that is cut out for me for the coming year: Send that anger packing, back up my family tree where it came from. This isn't something optional, and it's not something I am prepared to fail at. God must know that I'm serious, because it looks like He has given me another chance. The terrible notion of having my beloved firstborn fear me is hopefully enough to keep me motivated. Jonah will be off school for ten days, starting later on this week. Tomorrow is my last day of "freedom" for a while. Abe's sitter is coming. I'll get out on my bike, have lunch somewhere, read a book, and try to regroup in preparation for Camp Mama Redux.

Abe is seven months, and starting to get into solid food at last. HE is solid, feeling heavier literally every time I lift him up after a feeding. But his sleep has gone to crap. I am hoping a tooth on the way is what's causing this, because the idea that his wonderful sleep habits have evaporated, rather than gone on temporary hiatus, is something I'm not prepared to accept! This afternoon we have music class again. I can't wait to see him bounce as he plays the huge drum, smile while we dance, and take in this activity which is 100% for and about him.