Maternal aphasia: Month Four

Abe is officially four months old today, and was weighed and measured accordingly. He gained three pounds since our last checkup, grew another inch, which puts him in the 94th percentile for height. The height is no surprise, but I'm thrilled that his weight gain is finally established. I had dark days early on, where I doubted myself for not giving formula to bulk him up. But he didn't need it. He did get a small amount of it, in those early weeks, so he doesn't have a "virgin gut" (a ridiculous phrase I learned on a breastfeeding website). The doctor - there are two in the practice, and today we got the one who is 100% friendly and lovable, as opposed to the one who is anxious and excitable and quick to alarm - came in and saw Abe sitting happily in the Bumbo and said he looked like a judge. He got two shots and one oral dose of vaccine and took them like a champ.

Jonah went the whole week at school without a single potty accident, which was a welcome relief after he dropped a turd on the floor of a restaurant last Sunday (there were no other diners, fortunately). He seems poised at the brink of big changes - he makes plans and expects to have them implemented, but he also demands to take part in rituals like meal preparation and dinner, and woe betide if we don't have some job for him, or we want him to go to sleep before we've eaten our own dinner. He turns three and a half on Sunday. I told him I'd bake him half a cake - wonder if I'll have the time and energy. Perhaps we'll just make pancakes for Daddy instead.

This afternoon I had the most unexpected respite - Jonah (who has been rising too early all week) crashed on the couch for a much-needed nap, and Abe settled down to sleep after an extended nursing session, during which I also nodded off. The past two nights, both boys have gone to sleep around 8 pm, leaving us staring at each other and wondering what to do with all the child-free time. My mind is not used to this kind of break - I need to become better, faster, at shifting from Mama mode to grownup mode, or all these hours and half-hours will slip through my fingers and suddenly I'll be 45 and the kids won't need me so much and I won't be able to remember what I used to do for recreation or release.